You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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