I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
