Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We got so high we made milksteak
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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