You just made me feel so damn special
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
