It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we're making bets on your personal life
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Randomize
