Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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