when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
