She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
