I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
