Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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