she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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