Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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