Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
