cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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