Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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