Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
