U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
