I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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