Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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