There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
