I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
