So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my shit smells like andre
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
