$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
