the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
