Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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