I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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