I think I died a long time ago.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
