his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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