I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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