I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
