Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
