Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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