And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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