Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
