Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
