I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
