I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
