I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
