the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
what day is it and did you see me today?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
