in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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