I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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