She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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