I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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