There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
