So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
where are you?
Hypothermia
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
