I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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