I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think my moral compass just broke
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
