Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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