Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
