Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
