I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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