she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
