I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
