New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
