I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
