??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
